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In The Gay Heritage Project, our hosts Damien, Paul, and Andrew take us on an adventure way past Google in order to find the history of gay people – they’re full of questions and they’re ready to find things out and lay it down for the future. They take us everywhere from their childhood living rooms to Oz.

You can get a taste for the hunt right now in this excerpt! Read on for a hilarious scene in which Andrew realizes his quest will be harder than anticipated.

SCENE 1.1 (ANDREW)

Andrew sits at a computer terminal. Damien and Paul act as other library patrons behind him. Andrew’s hands quickly frame his face as he embodies the library’s computer system.

TPL: Welcome to the Toronto Public Library database. Let me help you Find Your Way. Search books, movies, music, programs, and more.

ANDREW: (typing) Gay Ukraine.



TPL: We’re sorry. Zero results for Gay Ukraine were found. 


ANDREW: (typing) Homosexuality Ukraine.



TPL: We’re sorry. Zero results for Homosexuality Ukraine were found.

ANDREW: (typing) Gay Rights Ukraine.

Beat. A noise is issued by TPL, the sound of computing, then: 


TPL: Two hundred and ninety-three results for Gay Rights Ukraine were found! 


ANDREW: Awesome!



Andrew reads through the hits. 


Wait a second—these are all—these are all general books on gay rights. There’s nothing specific to Ukraine here. 


TPL: For a more specific search please insert plus signs in between your search words. 


ANDREW: (typing) Gay + Rights + Ukraine.



TPL: Yeah, no. Zero results for Gay + Rights + Ukraine were found. 


Andrew looks away in frustration. Then: 


ANDREW: (typing) Gay Perogy.



TPL: Did you mean Gay Pro-gay?

ANDREW: No—I meant Gay Perogy.

TPL: We’re sorry. Zero results for—



Andrew types something furiously—it’s long. 


ANDREW: how. about. this?!



TPL: We’re sorry. Zero results for Gay Ukrainians + Gay Ukrainian Cocks + Stick It In My Slavic Butt Cheeks + Do It + Do It + Do It—

ANDREW: Fuck! Where the fuck are the gay Ukrainians!?

Damien and Paul shush him.



ANDREW: (quietly, intensely) Where the fuck are the gay Ukrainians?

TPL: Can you better explain what it is you’re looking for? 


Beat. 


ANDREW: When I came out, my mother said to me: 


MAMA: Andrij, you need to give us some time. This is all new. There were no people like you where we came from. There’s no such thing as a gay Ukrainian. 


TPL: And so even for her, zero results for Gay Uk—



ANDREW: Yes. Zero results! Zero results! But in my bones I don’t feel it’s true. I just don’t know where to look.

TPL: May I make a suggestion. 


The sound of computing.

Eighty-three results for Ukraine + Travel + Planning A Trip were found.

Beat.

ANDREW: Huh.

To find out how Andrew continues the journey, get yourself a copy of The Gay Heritage Project!